You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
