I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We need to rekindle our bromance
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
