Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
