No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
