there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
