I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
