in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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