You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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