the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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