I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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