Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
