You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
