community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
