The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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