Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
