so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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