Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
