We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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