i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
