I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
