I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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