Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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