The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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