we're chasing vodka with high fives
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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