She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
