his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
