Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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