He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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