Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
