Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
