Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
