I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
