Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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