The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
