My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
