yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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