i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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