kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is my gift to your gina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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