Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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