Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
