come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
