Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
