He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
