I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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