I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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