They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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