i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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