last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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