is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
