Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
