So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
