your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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