Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
