you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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