I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
