I understand Curling. That high.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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