just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
