I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
