I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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