i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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