So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
