Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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