i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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