i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've blown a few things in my day
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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