A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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