They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
