just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
