we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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