K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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